You walk into a sweet shop just to look. The owner smiles and hands you a piece of kaju katli. “Taste it. Fresh this morning.”
You eat it. It’s good. You stand there for a moment, holding the empty paper.
Five minutes later you leave with half a kilo you didn’t come in for.
The sweet cost the shop maybe ₹15. It earned them a few hundred. And you’d never call it a sales pitch.
What’s going on
This is reciprocity: when someone gives us something, we feel a strong pull to give something back. It’s one of the oldest rules in every human society. Favours get returned. Invitations get returned. Debts get paid.
In 1971, psychologist Dennis Regan ran a study that was supposedly about art. Halfway through, a participant named Joe (secretly working with Regan) left the room and came back with two bottles of Coke, one for himself and one for the real subject. Later, Joe asked the subject to buy some raffle tickets.
People who’d been given the Coke bought about twice as many tickets as those who hadn’t. It didn’t even matter much whether they liked Joe.
Think of an invisible ledger
Everyone carries a ledger in their head. When someone gives to us, a small debt appears on our side of the page, and it nags until we balance it.
A gift doesn’t just make people happy. It makes them feel slightly in debt.
Where you’ll spot it
- Free samples at the supermarket, the sweet shop and the perfume counter.
- Free consultations from lawyers, tutors and financial advisers.
- Diwali boxes from suppliers to their best clients.
- Free guides, templates and newsletters. Businesses give away useful knowledge so that, when you need to buy, you think of them first.
How to use it
Give first, and make it count. A gift works best when it is:
- Useful. Something the person actually wants, not a branded keychain.
- Personal. Fitted to them, not handed to everyone.
- Unexpected. A surprise feels like generosity. An expected gift feels like a policy.
Then don’t attach a request to it on the spot. A gift with obvious strings feels like a bribe, and people resent bribes. Real goodwill pays back later, and more.
And as a customer
Notice the ledger. You can enjoy the kaju katli and still walk out empty-handed. A gift you didn’t ask for creates a feeling, not an obligation.
Give first. People remember who started the exchange.
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